jesterwalker69 0 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Some old ones here but funny nonetheless!How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry It! What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. What are the three fastest means of communication? 1) Television2) Telephone 3) Telawoman How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out. What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it. Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of t * ts in there. How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good? Put a nipple on it. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have balls to scratch. Why did God create woman ? To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet. Why do women fake orgasms ? Because they think men care. If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you Done wrong? Made her chain too long How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened when she brings it. Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably Never be able to support you. Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer To the kitchen sink. How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...' How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required Pressure. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the Front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told I married a Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake. Why do men die before their wives? They want to. Women will never be equal to men.. Until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Link to post Share on other sites
hvr6 88 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 feeling v brave today Ollie!!!! :-) ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
djmorgz 0 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 lol love it,, mind u if i said any of that to the missus id be well and truly in the doghouse Link to post Share on other sites
jesterwalker69 0 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Yer its easy from behind a computer screen haha Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Nat 9 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 hahaha, there's some good ones in there!! Link to post Share on other sites
thegoth 5 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Yer its easy from behind a computer screen hahahave you forgotten that you are coming out to play at the weekend Link to post Share on other sites
jesterwalker69 0 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Yer its easy from behind a computer screen hahahave you forgotten that you are coming out to play at the weekend :-# Link to post Share on other sites
hvr6 88 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Yer its easy from behind a computer screen hahahave you forgotten that you are coming out to play at the weekendmy thoughts exactly! Link to post Share on other sites
jesterwalker69 0 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Being attacked by Nat and Helen.... to be honest i can think of worse situations to be in lol! Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Nat 9 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 errrr.... actually i said they were funny!! Link to post Share on other sites
hvr6 88 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 they are funny!! Ollie is just brave!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Nat 9 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Ok for the girls some pay back!! :)Why do men like love at first sight? It saves them a lot of time. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children. How does a man show he's planning for the Future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one. How was Colonel Sanders a typical male? All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus?At the circus the clowns don't talk. Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half time. Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera? Just when it's getting interesting, they're finished until next time. What is the difference between a man and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum-sucker and the other is a fish. What did God say after creating man? I can do better. Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what? Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention. How is a man like a snowstorm? Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay. Why do men name their penises? Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the one who makes all their decisions. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because they already have boyfriends. Why do men like masturbation? Its sex with someone they love. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette? The porcupine has pricks on the outside. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to act macho and shake the stove. What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable". Why did God create man? Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn. What is a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging. How can you tell if a man is aroused? He's breathing. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? Who knows? - did it ever happen?? How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small. What is a man's idea of doing housework? Lifting his leg so you can vacuum. What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home. Why are men like laxatives? They can irritate the shit out of you. How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you. What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them. Link to post Share on other sites
golfrabbit33 0 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 some good ones there nat, Link to post Share on other sites
The Monk 50 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 what do women and clouds have in common?Eventually they **** off and it's a really nice day. Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Nat 9 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 hahaha, that ones a good un but take the w and o off and its even better!! lol Link to post Share on other sites
Eat this 2 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 haha Link to post Share on other sites
craggsy 91 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Fantastic Ollie spat beer everywhere onm some of them.They were OK Nat.lol Link to post Share on other sites
cabrioman 6 Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 yeah nat not really that funny need to do better ....oli top job LOL :-p Link to post Share on other sites
jesterwalker69 0 Posted September 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Haha awwww u guys Link to post Share on other sites
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