Maz 0 Posted April 9, 2006 Report Share Posted April 9, 2006 Q. What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? lol Answers on a postcard people Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 C'mon madge, the suspense is killing me! Link to post Share on other sites
Dubsingh 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 mascara????? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Maz 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 Nooooooooo! It's her ankles lolNow you post a question and I'll guess the answer lolX Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 How many men does it take to open a beer? Link to post Share on other sites
Maz 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 oh that'll be none, she should have it opened by the time she brings it to you? At a guess lol? Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 Smart arse.lolWhy don't women find sexist jokes funny? Link to post Share on other sites
Devildub_06 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 What room has no ceiling, floor, windows, doors or walls? Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 A mushroom? Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 10, 2006 Report Share Posted April 10, 2006 As I was going to St. Ives. I met a man with seven wives. His seven wives each had seven sacks. The seven sacks each have seven cats. His seven cats each had seven kittens. Kittens, cats, sacks, wives, how many were going to St Ives? Link to post Share on other sites
RADOMAN93 0 Posted April 11, 2006 Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 one Link to post Share on other sites
Maz 0 Posted April 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 Get in line guys! You lot spanish or something???What's the answer pete? whay don't women like sexist jokes? Apart from the fact that they may possibly dislike the sexist bastard telling it lol Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 11, 2006 Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 Cos they aint got a sense of humour madge ; ) Link to post Share on other sites
Maz 0 Posted April 11, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 I disagree Pete lolA women was very despondent over not having sex in quite some time. She was becoming agitated and worried that she may never find a mate and so decided to visit the doctor.Looking through the phone book, she came across a Chinese Sex Therapist named Doctor Chang and phoned to book an appointment.When she arrived at the surgery, she told the doctor her problem, and he said "take off all your crothes and crawl to other side of room". She crawled to the other side, and Dr Chang said "now you crawl feal fass back to me", whichshe did.Dr. Chang shook his head and said "you haf real bad case of Zachary Disease ... worse case I ever see! That why you haf sex problem"The women was confused and asked the doctor what Zachary Disease was and he replied ... "Zachary Disease ... that when your face look Zachary rike your ass"Or there's this:A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help."Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality"His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "I'll display it to you.Go and ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million quid. Then go and ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million quid. Then come back and tell me what you've learned."The kid is puzzled, but he decides to do what his father says.He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million pounds would you sleep with Robert Redford"His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says "yes I would, but don't tell your father".Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her "Sis. if someone gave you a million pounds, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?". His sister looks up and says "yes definately."The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I've figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million quid, but in reality we are living with a couple of whores!"Or lowering the tone somewhat, there's this: Q. What have a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?A. By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is a greasy box to pop your bone in.lol snigger snigger Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 11, 2006 Report Share Posted April 11, 2006 OK, madge you win.lol. Like your style girl : ) Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Lee 1 Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Get in line guys! You lot spanish or something???CSE Grade 1 in Spanish Maz Heces = Lee 8) Cosas a no decir en la cama 1. ¡Pero todos mira desnudo divertido! 2. ¿Usted me despertó para arriba para ése? 3. ¿Mencioné la cámara de vÃdeo? 4. ¿Usted huele algo que se quema? 5. Puede usted intentar por favor respirar a través de su nariz. 6. Una pequeña quemadura de la manta nunca lastimó cualquier persona. 7. ¿Querido, usted trabó la puerta trasera? 8. Upción las marcas poner 'n yo explotan en una erupción. 9. persona 1: ¿Ésta es su primera vez... derecha? persona 2: Es....... hoy 10. ¿Puede usted pasarme el mando a distancia? 11. ¿Usted acepta visa? 12, En los segundos pensamientos, vamos dar vuelta apagado a las luces. 13, Y para pensar me realmente intentaba tomar a su amigo. 14, Tanto para la boca-a-boca 15. Esperanza usted está como buen mirar cuando soy sobrio... 16, ¿Intente no manchar mi maquillaje, usted '? 17, Pero acabo de cepillar mis dientes... 18. ¡Sonrisa, usted está en cámara indiscreta! 19, ¡Pensé que usted tenÃa las llaves a pone manilla?! 20, ¡Deseo a bebé! 21, ¡Tanto para el cumplimiento de fantasÃas sexuales! ¿22, (en un menage trois) porqué I que hace todo el trabajo? 23. ¿Usted sabÃa el techo necesita pintar? 24. ¿Cuándo es esto sentir bien supuesto? 25, ¿Recordé tomar mi pÃldora? 26, ¿Es usted seguro yo no le conoce de en alguna parte? 27, Pero mi gato duerme siempre en esa almohadilla. 28, ¿Le dije mi tÃa Martha muerto en esta cama? 29, Si usted paró el fumar usted puede ser que tenga más resistencia. 30, No, realmente. Hago esta parte mejor mismo. 31, Ésta serÃa más diversión con algunos más personas. 32, ¡Usted es casi tan bueno como mi ex! 33, Usted mira más joven que usted la sensación. 34, Quizás usted es justo fuera de práctica. 35, ahora sé porqué ella le descargó... 36. ¿Su marido posee aserrado de escopeta? 37, ¿Usted ha considerado siempre el liposuction? 38, ¡Y para pensar, incluso no tuve que comprarle cena! 39, ¿Cuál es usted que planea hacer para el desayuno? 40, Le diré que fantasizing alrededor si usted me dice sobre quien usted fantasizing. 41, ¿esta cuenta como fecha? 42, ¿Pienso que mordiendo es romántico no lo hace usted? 43, ¿Cuándo usted tiene gusto de satisfacer a mis padres? 44, ¿Usted ha visto la "atracción fatal"? 45, Apesadumbrado sobre las etiquetas conocidas, no estoy a bueno con nombres. 46, No se preocupe, mi perro realmente amistoso para un doberman. 47. Apesadumbrado sino yo no haga los dedos del pie. 48, ¡Usted podrÃa actuar por lo menos como usted está gozando de él! 49, Guarde el ruido abajo, mi madre es un durmiente ligero. 50, ¡He dormido con más mujeres que Casanova! Heces: Voy cinta del conducto del uso para cerrarle para arribaMadge: No importe de mÃ... Archivo siempre mis clavos en cama. Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 So. how many of those lines contain the words "duct" and "tape" lee?!? Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Lee 1 Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 So. how many of those lines contain the words "duct" and "tape" lee?!?Once Second from last, the one above Madge.Copy and paste to this link http://www.google.co.uk/language_tools?hl=en Link to post Share on other sites
Petesvw 0 Posted April 12, 2006 Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Hmmmm! Link to post Share on other sites
Maz 0 Posted April 12, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2006 Get in line guys! You lot spanish or something???CSE Grade 1 in Spanish Maz Heces = Lee 8) Cosas a no decir en la cama 1. ¡Pero todos mira desnudo divertido! 2. ¿Usted me despertó para arriba para ése? 3. ¿Mencioné la cámara de vÃdeo? 4. ¿Usted huele algo que se quema? 5. Puede usted intentar por favor respirar a través de su nariz. 6. Una pequeña quemadura de la manta nunca lastimó cualquier persona. 7. ¿Querido' date=' usted trabó la puerta trasera? 8. Upción las marcas poner 'n yo explotan en una erupción. 9. persona 1: ¿Ésta es su primera vez... derecha? persona 2: Es....... hoy 10. ¿Puede usted pasarme el mando a distancia? 11. ¿Usted acepta visa? 12, En los segundos pensamientos, vamos dar vuelta apagado a las luces. 13, Y para pensar me realmente intentaba tomar a su amigo. 14, Tanto para la boca-a-boca 15. Esperanza usted está como buen mirar cuando soy sobrio... 16, ¿Intente no manchar mi maquillaje, usted '? 17, Pero acabo de cepillar mis dientes... 18. ¡Sonrisa, usted está en cámara indiscreta! 19, ¡Pensé que usted tenÃa las llaves a pone manilla?! 20, ¡Deseo a bebé! 21, ¡Tanto para el cumplimiento de fantasÃas sexuales! ¿22, (en un menage trois) porqué I que hace todo el trabajo? 23. ¿Usted sabÃa el techo necesita pintar? 24. ¿Cuándo es esto sentir bien supuesto? 25, ¿Recordé tomar mi pÃldora? 26, ¿Es usted seguro yo no le conoce de en alguna parte? 27, Pero mi gato duerme siempre en esa almohadilla. 28, ¿Le dije mi tÃa Martha muerto en esta cama? 29, Si usted paró el fumar usted puede ser que tenga más resistencia. 30, No, realmente. Hago esta parte mejor mismo. 31, Ésta serÃa más diversión con algunos más personas. 32, ¡Usted es casi tan bueno como mi ex! 33, Usted mira más joven que usted la sensación. 34, Quizás usted es justo fuera de práctica. 35, ahora sé porqué ella le descargó... 36. ¿Su marido posee aserrado de escopeta? 37, ¿Usted ha considerado siempre el liposuction? 38, ¡Y para pensar, incluso no tuve que comprarle cena! 39, ¿Cuál es usted que planea hacer para el desayuno? 40, Le diré que fantasizing alrededor si usted me dice sobre quien usted fantasizing. 41, ¿esta cuenta como fecha? 42, ¿Pienso que mordiendo es romántico no lo hace usted? 43, ¿Cuándo usted tiene gusto de satisfacer a mis padres? 44, ¿Usted ha visto la "atracción fatal"? 45, Apesadumbrado sobre las etiquetas conocidas, no estoy a bueno con nombres. 46, No se preocupe, mi perro realmente amistoso para un doberman. 47. Apesadumbrado sino yo no haga los dedos del pie. 48, ¡Usted podrÃa actuar por lo menos como usted está gozando de él! 49, Guarde el ruido abajo, mi madre es un durmiente ligero. 50, ¡He dormido con más mujeres que Casanova! Heces: Voy cinta del conducto del uso para cerrarle para arribaMadge: No importe de mÃ... Archivo siempre mis clavos en cama.[/quote']You what? lol Link to post Share on other sites
VR6Lee 1 Posted April 19, 2006 Report Share Posted April 19, 2006 ok in ENGLISH Things NOT to say in bed Madge 1. But everybody looks funny naked! 2. You woke me up for that? 3. Did I mention the video camera? 4. Do you smell something burning? 5. Can you please try breathing through your nose.6. A little rug burn never hurt anyone. 7. Darling, did you lock the back door? 8. But whipped cream makes me break out in a rash.9. person 1: This is your first time...right? person 2: It is....... today10. Can you pass me the remote control? 11. Do you accept Visa? 12. On second thoughts, let's turn off the lights.13. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend. 14. So much for mouth-to-mouth15. Hope you're as good looking when I'm sober... 16. Try not to smear my make-up, will you'? 17. But I just brushed my teeth... 18. Smile, you're on candid camera! 19. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs?! 20. I want a baby!21. So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies! 22. (in a menage a trois) Why am I doing all the work? 23. Did you know the ceiling needs painting? 24. When is this supposed to feel good?25. Did I remember to take my pill? 26. Are you sure I don't know you from somewhere? 27. But my cat always sleeps on that pillow. 28. Did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed? 29. If you quit smoking you might have more endurance.30. No, really.. I do this part better myself. 31. This would be more fun with a few more people.32. You're almost as good as my ex! 33. You look younger than you feel.34. Perhaps you're just out of practice. 35. Now I know why she dumped you...36. Does your husband own a sawn off shot-gun? 37. Have you ever considered liposuction? 38. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! 39. What are you planning to make for breakfast? 40. I'll tell you I'm fantasizing about if you tell me who you're fantasizing about.. 41. Does this count as a date? 42. I think biting is romantic- don't you?43. When would you like to meet my parents? 44. Have you seen "fatal attraction"? 45. Sorry about the name tags, I'm not to good with names. 46. Don't worry, my dog's really friendly for a doberman. 47. Sorry but I don't do toes. 48. You could at least act like you're enjoying it! 49. Keep the noise down, my mother is a light sleeper.50. I've slept with more women than Casanova! Madge: Don't mind me... I always file my nails in bed. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsC 0 Posted April 19, 2006 Report Share Posted April 19, 2006 lol..... thats quite funny for you Lee Link to post Share on other sites
Maz 0 Posted April 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2006 Pretty sure I might have commented on the state of the ceiling in my past marriage lol And I've definately said 'no really, i do this part better myself' Link to post Share on other sites
MrsC 0 Posted April 19, 2006 Report Share Posted April 19, 2006 Yes, i have quoted a few of them lines before, if not outloud then in my head lol Link to post Share on other sites
Maz 0 Posted April 19, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 19, 2006 well if we're talking about the ones you've said in your head... oooo the list just got bigger Link to post Share on other sites
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